Thursday, October 26, 2017

The Dentists' Office

Just imagine for a little bit. A dentist office, but don’t picture a clinic. Rather, a cozy little room with sky blue walls and purple and yellow patterned carpet. It’s quiet and warm, sunlight coming in from two spacious windows to your left.  You sit in a worn leather couch facing the front desk. Jennie is her name. She answers the incoming calls, steadily and kindly, her voice breaks up the little drum in your ear. You can’t see Jennie, but her hair peeks out from above the wall window. It’s yellow and curly and it moves left and right. She’s typing softly, clicking away with the seconds. You are reading a book about life and death. With each finished paragraph, you look out the glass door at the cars passing by down the street and the little red car that pulls up in the driveway. A lady with a green jacket and a purse slung around her shoulders step out of a parked van with her child and walk into a store front. It’s late morning and the smell of coffee draws you into the next room. You pour yourself a cup and skip the sweetener. Down the hall drifts over you the dull sound of conversations and water draining; each room, a different aura. You can’t walk down that way so you retreat back to your seat. The glass door dings with the sound of a bell hung loosely around the handle. The chorus of daily motions come flooding through the open door. A father and a son walks in, shoes shuffling across the carpet. The door shuts; the choir hushes. Your eyes follow their back to the wall window where Jennie will take care of them.

“Hello, how may I help you?” A bright smile.

“My son , Leo, has an appointment today.” A pat on the head.

Leo looks at you as you pretend to read about the dying man on the bed teaching his student. Leo smiles and waves coyly. You smile back and they take a seat. Leo’s feet dangles off the edge of the cushion chair and his boots make a squeaky sound with every kick. His father takes out his phone and becomes distracted. You stare at the page in front of you but in your corner vision, Leo steps off his chair, a sunbeam seemingly following him into the shadow of the hallway. 

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

i'm figuring it out. leave me alone.

People are affected by other people. But everyone says you don’t have to be. You decide whether you want to be impacted negatively or not. So if you are affected negatively, it’s easy to say you are a negative person. Judged because you have a weak inner esteem; as if they expect that anyone can just float around on a cloud unaffected, to take every offense like a Buddhist and churn it out with your inner chakra into this shining beam of positive energy. Of course, they’re two polar opposites; why not just find a balance? Well, saint, life happens to us whether we want it to or not. Why was I not born a stone in this life? I think we are a machine and sometimes we malfunction. Oil me up and give me a break while I cool down. Also I may not be built with the same abilities as you. You may have been created with an ability to filter out all that ugly smoke that clouds on a regular basis, whereas, I was built with a broken piece of wood and duct tape to hold up my enormous ego. I will not be apologetic about it. Pride or not, do not disregard me as I won’t disregard your annoyingly positive outlook on this messed up, pollution-infested, poison-soaked piece of dirt. I am working towards a more upright train of thought while you skip your way into the sunset. I’ll see you there eventually, just let me figure how to build a ladder out of this hole I was put in, too deep for you to reach into and help me up. Thank you. 

Perhaps, if this was a game of charades, we might not be so different after all. 

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

i had hoped in something unseen, an idea
fleeting as a single glimmer of a dead star
and, yes, i had hoped in that thing not guaranteed
never a touch nor a scent to demonstrate existence
but it is an idea
now ideas are the most curious of all the mind's tricks
able to build on itself into a mass of unfathomable heights
its mysterious depths lost even to the conjurer
an idea can manifest into that which the senses attach
waking every morning
red eyes to see it
hands shaking to behold it
legs weak to tread it
and the mind,
exhausted to conceive it
yes, an idea, the thing of all man's hopes.

and the thing of all man's despair.

Monday, October 9, 2017

i was fixated on a feeling
it was collecting in the crevices of my subconscious
eating at me like an infection
and when at once i could understand its nature
i was consumed, already, in a dream of vicious imagery
one after the other in a trance upon my cheeks
life like apparitions danced in line to the tune of violins
my throat, dry
but i sang a song to accompany
the lonely figures telling their stories
and crying out from the other side
and tore their skincloths in agony
and prayed empty promises
and chased the light
and they ate and drank their fill
until they fell
upon my feet
where my eyes had bound their bodies
and my lips trembled in mercy
have mercy
and quietly the silence gave way to a breath full of white


Monday, October 2, 2017

I am thinking one of these days I should wake up on a bright morning and drive down a road with the sunlight breaking through each branch as I pass. And I should, in my mind, not have any thoughts of regret or sadness. I will see, with clear eyes, a day which is beautiful and untainted with memories of days past drowning in remorse and anger and nervous hands clenched towards the future. I would, in that moment, be content, settled in an unceasing feeling of happiness that I have finally made it. I have finally made it. 

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

What is this feeling hanging in the air?
No one speaks, but their eyes say words the heart cannot.
What is this feeling hanging in the air?
It’s quiet, but their gait shouts loudly in a language.
The feeling of imminent danger, a crashing and then a hurt.
When I see her face, I see a daughter and a son.
She makes many phone calls so she can get paid.
I see a daughter and a son.
When someone elevated can determine your life,
There is a feeling hanging in the air.

What is this feeling hanging in the air?

Thursday, September 14, 2017

mother!

my predictions:

lawrence represents the earth, beautiful, innocent (in a sense), giving, caring, protecting, abundant, fertile (as she is with child in the movie). she urges bardem to stop allowing intruders (strangers) into her home.

bardem represents us, humans, takers, ruining mother earth, demanding that she give us more, more, more. we crave more, we search for more, more to life, more to love and take. he is a writer with writer's block, he assumes that the interactions with harris and his wife will help him to become who he really is suppose to be. the intruders who continue to show up is the attention he believes he needs to thrive, to continue with his purpose in life.  he searches in the wrong places.

harris and his wife could represent the addictions or habits that cause us to be the human kind that we are, when they intrude upon us, we take them in and we feed, house and bathe them. we take care of them and give them all our attentions, loving them more but destroying the home of mother earth in the process.

the various intruders who continue to show up at the house are the many things we put before loving the earth. environmental issues such as clearing vast acres of forest just to plant palm oil because the industry demands more, the use of plastic because it's convenient, the waste of food because we just eat too much or don't know how to donate the rest, the bloated food industry in the worst way (we all see how animals are treated).

perhaps we all search in the wrong places. metal for cars, diamonds for cute individual keeping, over fishing for the sake of the saturated industry and its demands. we were meant to enjoy this world, yes, created in abundance for all. but when we take more than we should, the world strains underneath the weight of our requests and she slowly, but surely, dissolves before our eyes.

these are my predictions. let's see if that's how the movie is interpreted.